Because we conduct seminars throughout the country and internationally, we often have individuals approach us after the seminar to ask questions and/or discuss sexual issues that they may be dealing with. These confidential discussions have proven to be a blessing for them because they have someone to talk with that understands their challenge, and for my wife and myself because we are constantly learning and have a opportunity to minister. They also help us to help others because we can reflect on the challenges and successes experienced by these individuals and give others hope that they are not by themselves when it comes to sexual issues.
Below is a good example of what is shared with us and how one women’s testimony can be a blessing for others. I appreciate her openness and willingness to share her experience with others. Take heed to her story for she indeed is not alone.
Hello Elder King,
First I want to say that I thoroughly enjoyed your presentation this weekend. The information and presentation were both great and the wealth of information you gave was invaluable. I know that lives are changing as a result of this much needed ministry! I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your personal story as well. So many people in the church walk around like they are perfect while knowing that they are or have struggled with sexual sins. You spent a lot of time talking about pornography and masturbation issues that men have, but I want to share my story with you b/c I am a female that has struggled with pornography and masturbation addiction and I know there are other women (some I know personally) that are struggling as well. This is not something that just affects males and as a female is difficult to talk about this, since this is supposedly something that only men deal with. I will share my story in hopes that you will include some information in your presentation that speaks to women w/ these issues and also present a strong message to parents regarding the kind of TV stations and internet access they allow in their home. I grew up in a home that had HBO. I was told I was not allowed to watch rated R movies or late night television, but of course I figured out a way to sneak and watch it anyway. This was my first taste of what they call "soft porn" and around this same time (maybe 9 or 10) a female friend showed me how to masturbate. This started a cycle that would continue for many, many, years before I realized it was a problem and tried to stop. I went from HBO, to real pornography videos, to the internet (I believe the worst weapon as it relates to porn b/c it’s so easily assessable for free!). I tried to stop b/c I finally started reading and doing research on my on and figured out that masturbation is in deed wrong and of course pornography goes hand and hand with it. I never heard anyone in the church talk about masturbation and I really thought that maybe it was okay b/c at least you weren’t having sex. Anyway, when I tried to stop I realized that this was not going to be easy as it was truly an addiction that took several tries (and many years) to finally break. But I know that I will probably be tempted in this area for the rest of my life b/c I participated it in for so long. I knew that this was something that I was ashamed of and I knew that God was not pleased, but it wasn’t until I realized the damage I was doing to myself and my sex drive that finally made me get it. I read that once you start masturbating and watching pornography, you condition yourself to be turned on by images and degrading acts, which is contrary to the natural sex drive. You create conditions that no other partner would be able to duplicate. So basically, you are creating pleasure that some say is far greater than anything you will be able to experience w/ another person. That’s why people with this addiction still continue to masturbate after marriage, b/c their partner cannot fully satisfy them the way they can. I was shocked to read that b/c I thought marriage would be the cure! But then I thought back on the sexual experiences I have had and it’s true, no partner knows your body the way you do. So in addition to going against God’s word, you also take away from your future spouse by continuing in this sin. I know of many instances where married people sneak off to masturbate b/c it brings them more pleasure than their spouse does, and I don’t want that to be me. So with much prayer and a lifestyle change, I have claimed victory over this addition that consumed more than half of my life! I stopped watching anything that had sexual activity in it (movies, TV shows) and I stopped listening to music that talks about sex. The internet has been the hardest struggle b/c even w/ the software that blocks pornography, there is still a way around it. I make sure to only use the internet in a public space where others are around, or in an open space in my home where others can see what’s on my screen. Over time it has become easier, but I continue to pray about it and I won’t put myself in a position where the temptation may become overwhelming. I try to start every day with devotion and prayer and that has made a huge difference! This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life! I was only sexually active for about 2 years and stopping that was a piece of cake compared to this addiction! Even in my sleep the devil attacks my dreams and I wake up sometimes feeling like I sinned even though it was only in my dreams. I know that all of the damage I have done to myself cannot be completely reversed, but I am abstaining from all sexual things until marriage in hopes that I will forget some of the feelings so my husband will be able to satisfy me sexually. I believe that had I not been exposed to HBO as a child, I probably never would have struggled like I did. Parents need to know the dangers of having entertainment in their home that their children can get exposed to. Also, it may help women to know that they are not alone if they struggle with this addiction and that they are damaging themselves and their sex lives with their husbands more than they could ever realize. As a side bar, I have always been in the church, always went to church school and college, and I have always been active in the church…all the while struggling and feeling like there was no one in the church to turn to for help. I had to go outside the church to get the help I needed. That’s why a church-based sex ministry is so needed. Once again, thanks to you and your wife for exposing the lie and taking this message to the church. I pray that God will continue to bless your ministry and free people from the bondage of sexual sins. God Bless!!
Below is a good example of what is shared with us and how one women’s testimony can be a blessing for others. I appreciate her openness and willingness to share her experience with others. Take heed to her story for she indeed is not alone.
Hello Elder King,
First I want to say that I thoroughly enjoyed your presentation this weekend. The information and presentation were both great and the wealth of information you gave was invaluable. I know that lives are changing as a result of this much needed ministry! I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your personal story as well. So many people in the church walk around like they are perfect while knowing that they are or have struggled with sexual sins. You spent a lot of time talking about pornography and masturbation issues that men have, but I want to share my story with you b/c I am a female that has struggled with pornography and masturbation addiction and I know there are other women (some I know personally) that are struggling as well. This is not something that just affects males and as a female is difficult to talk about this, since this is supposedly something that only men deal with. I will share my story in hopes that you will include some information in your presentation that speaks to women w/ these issues and also present a strong message to parents regarding the kind of TV stations and internet access they allow in their home. I grew up in a home that had HBO. I was told I was not allowed to watch rated R movies or late night television, but of course I figured out a way to sneak and watch it anyway. This was my first taste of what they call "soft porn" and around this same time (maybe 9 or 10) a female friend showed me how to masturbate. This started a cycle that would continue for many, many, years before I realized it was a problem and tried to stop. I went from HBO, to real pornography videos, to the internet (I believe the worst weapon as it relates to porn b/c it’s so easily assessable for free!). I tried to stop b/c I finally started reading and doing research on my on and figured out that masturbation is in deed wrong and of course pornography goes hand and hand with it. I never heard anyone in the church talk about masturbation and I really thought that maybe it was okay b/c at least you weren’t having sex. Anyway, when I tried to stop I realized that this was not going to be easy as it was truly an addiction that took several tries (and many years) to finally break. But I know that I will probably be tempted in this area for the rest of my life b/c I participated it in for so long. I knew that this was something that I was ashamed of and I knew that God was not pleased, but it wasn’t until I realized the damage I was doing to myself and my sex drive that finally made me get it. I read that once you start masturbating and watching pornography, you condition yourself to be turned on by images and degrading acts, which is contrary to the natural sex drive. You create conditions that no other partner would be able to duplicate. So basically, you are creating pleasure that some say is far greater than anything you will be able to experience w/ another person. That’s why people with this addiction still continue to masturbate after marriage, b/c their partner cannot fully satisfy them the way they can. I was shocked to read that b/c I thought marriage would be the cure! But then I thought back on the sexual experiences I have had and it’s true, no partner knows your body the way you do. So in addition to going against God’s word, you also take away from your future spouse by continuing in this sin. I know of many instances where married people sneak off to masturbate b/c it brings them more pleasure than their spouse does, and I don’t want that to be me. So with much prayer and a lifestyle change, I have claimed victory over this addition that consumed more than half of my life! I stopped watching anything that had sexual activity in it (movies, TV shows) and I stopped listening to music that talks about sex. The internet has been the hardest struggle b/c even w/ the software that blocks pornography, there is still a way around it. I make sure to only use the internet in a public space where others are around, or in an open space in my home where others can see what’s on my screen. Over time it has become easier, but I continue to pray about it and I won’t put myself in a position where the temptation may become overwhelming. I try to start every day with devotion and prayer and that has made a huge difference! This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life! I was only sexually active for about 2 years and stopping that was a piece of cake compared to this addiction! Even in my sleep the devil attacks my dreams and I wake up sometimes feeling like I sinned even though it was only in my dreams. I know that all of the damage I have done to myself cannot be completely reversed, but I am abstaining from all sexual things until marriage in hopes that I will forget some of the feelings so my husband will be able to satisfy me sexually. I believe that had I not been exposed to HBO as a child, I probably never would have struggled like I did. Parents need to know the dangers of having entertainment in their home that their children can get exposed to. Also, it may help women to know that they are not alone if they struggle with this addiction and that they are damaging themselves and their sex lives with their husbands more than they could ever realize. As a side bar, I have always been in the church, always went to church school and college, and I have always been active in the church…all the while struggling and feeling like there was no one in the church to turn to for help. I had to go outside the church to get the help I needed. That’s why a church-based sex ministry is so needed. Once again, thanks to you and your wife for exposing the lie and taking this message to the church. I pray that God will continue to bless your ministry and free people from the bondage of sexual sins. God Bless!!